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How do I tactfully handle a person who learns of my diagnosis and then asks me very personal detailed questions about my treatment ?

A MyBCTeam Member asked a question 💭
Alpharetta, GA

Someone related to me by marriage learned about my diagnosis and phoned to wish me well. However instead of just wishing me well she asked very prying questions about my surgeries. This made me very uncomfortable as I did not wish to discuss the difficult surgeries,pain and suffering etc with her.

August 10
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Answer Summary

Members offered thoughtful advice on handling prying questions about cancer treatment, with many agreeing that you never owe anyone details... Read more

Members offered thoughtful advice on handling prying questions about cancer treatment, with many agreeing that you never owe anyone details about your diagnosis or surgeries. Several members shared practical responses like redirecting the conversation, using gentle but firm phrases such as 'I'm not comfortable discussing this right now,' or even taking the TMI route to make nosy questioners back off. A recurring theme was that cancer patients have every right to choose what they share and with whom, and that setting boundaries, while uncomfortable at first, gets easier with practice.

A MyBCTeam Member

When I was first diagnosed, it was extremely hard for me, a guy, to talk about this at all. Now 18 years later, I will talk to anybody, especially guys, so I can remind them that men get BC too. I also hand out pink and blue ribbon pins, the symbol of male breast cancer. I have given out over 900 of them. It has been surprising to me how many men do not know they can get BC too.

August 11
A MyBCTeam Member

You never owe anyone the details of your cancer journey. It’s completely okay to say, thank you so much for caring and checking on me. I’m just not comfortable discussing the details of my surgeries or treatment right now. You can appreciate her concern while also still protecting your privacy. Some people have no filters 😅😅😅

August 10 (edited)
A MyBCTeam Member

Hello BB2. Here's are some responses you can use.
My doctor's are taking good care of me and I prefer to keep the details private.

I'm focused on living my life right now rather than talking about treatments. How are you doing?

I appreciate your concern and well wishes, there are some things I wish to keep private.
Always remember you don't have to stay in a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Hope this helps. 😊👍🌹🙏
.

August 10
MyBCTeam

Handling well-meaning but intrusive questions after a breast cancer diagnosis is something many people navigate. It's completely okay — and healthy — to set boundaries around what you share and with whom. You are always in control of your own story.

Here are some gentle but firm ways to redirect prying questions:

- "I Show Full Answer

Handling well-meaning but intrusive questions after a breast cancer diagnosis is something many people navigate. It's completely okay — and healthy — to set boundaries around what you share and with whom. You are always in control of your own story.

Here are some gentle but firm ways to redirect prying questions:

- "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not ready to discuss the details just yet."
- "It's been a lot to process, so I'm keeping things private for now."
- "I'll share updates when I feel comfortable — thank you for understanding."
- "I'd rather focus on the positive support right now than the details."

These responses are warm but clear, and most people will respect them. It can also help to designate a trusted person — a close friend or family member — to communicate updates on your behalf. That way, curious relatives get some information without you having to field uncomfortable calls directly.

Remember, sharing your diagnosis is brave, but the details belong entirely to you. Nobody is entitled to more than you're willing to give. 💛

August 10
A MyBCTeam Member

Exactly. I am trying to embrace the idea with more humor at this stage since it is getting closer. There is nothing funny about it but sometimes humor helps us cope...at the benefit they had for me on Sunday they had this cake made for me. At first when I saw it I was feeling like I did when my friend made that statement but then I decided the humor approach is more therapeutic.

August 11

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