What a journey your family has been through — and what wonderful news about her MRI results! Your love and concern for your daughter comes through so clearly, and the fact that you're asking these questions says so much about the kind of mom you are.
Here are some helpful guidelines on what to say (and not say):
Do
- Follow Show Full Answer
What a journey your family has been through — and what wonderful news about her MRI results! Your love and concern for your daughter comes through so clearly, and the fact that you're asking these questions says so much about the kind of mom you are.
Here are some helpful guidelines on what to say (and not say):
Do:
- Follow her lead — let her bring up her cancer when she's ready
- Ask open-ended questions like "How are you feeling today?" rather than cancer-specific ones
- Offer specific, practical help: "Can I come visit and help with your daughter for a week during radiation?"
- Simply say "I love you" and "I'm here"
- Validate her anger and grief — it's completely normal after a diagnosis like this Avoid:
- Flooding her with calls, texts, or "I'm praying for you" messages constantly
- Sharing cancer stories or articles you've read unless she asks
- Projecting your own fears about recurrence onto her conversations
- Trying to "fix" her grief or anger — sometimes she just needs to feel heard
As a MyBCTeam member wisely shared, the best advice for loved ones is to "back off" and let her set the pace. That doesn't mean being distant — it means being present on *her* terms. Her cycles of grief and anger are a very normal response to everything she's lost since her diagnosis. Acknowledging that without trying to redirect her to positivity can actually be more comforting than cheerleading.
Since you're in Ohio and she's in Chicago, think about planned, purposeful visits — especially during radiation, when fatigue can be significant. Helping with her 5-year-old, cooking meals, or simply sitting together watching a show can mean the world without requiring any "right words" at all.
You're already doing something right just by asking. 💛
October 20
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