I was actually quite surprised at the depth of grief I felt with my DMX!

My sister had a prophylactic DMX (nipple sparing) and simultaneous reconstruction with implants, and she has always said things about beating cancer by getting rid of her "ticking timebombs," and generally referring to herself as a warrior.

I couldn't see why my sister was so brave and happy about hers when I was devastated by more or less the same surgery (I lost my nipples, and I couldn't have implants, so I had DIEP).

I wanted to feel like a warrior, too, but I felt like a victim.

The difference was that she had the luxury of thinking about it for years, making a deliberate and voluntary decision, and havung to fight through the process to get her surgery done. My DMX was about a week after my second BC diagnosis, so I had little time to process it and no choice.

In the 2-3 years since then, I have thought a lot about this. First of all, I no longer accept the flippant dismissal of my feelings expressed by several well-meaning loved ones, "Whats the big deal? You're not using them anyway." and "At least you're alive." When it happens to them they can deal with it however they like, but for me, it has been a very real amputation of body parts I wanted to keep.

My breasts were part of my identity and how I saw myself when I looked in the mirror for decades. I have sacred memories of nursing my babies, and I have always been in awe of the miraculous way my body was able to provide everything necessary for that first year of their lives. My breast's were always an integral part of my intimacy with my husband. And while I don’t need my breasts to keep the memories of nursing babies, I'm always acutely aware of their absence in the bedroom.

So to more directly answer your question, you have every right to every one of the feelings you have about this. Do not let anyone tell you how you should feel or how long you should feel that way.

Its normal to grieve, and you are not alone in this. 💕

I kinda wish spasms could text- lol! Sometimes a little heads up would be helpful!! Hugs!

@A MyBCTeam Member its like they think once surgery is done, its been resolved. Actually, this was somewhat my mindset before my diagnoses. I thought women had surgery and that took the cancer away. Then others found out their cancer had spread so they needed chemo/radiation. I didn't know anything about Breast cancer.

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A MyBCTea...

Thank you. So much..!! You are a true Warrior. Huge hugs 🤗

Yes, but you will get through it. I reminded myself, this is like a toxic relationship- it may have started out fine, but this is no longer healthy for me- even if, at times, I miss what was. Tight hugs!