I had a hard time right after my first lumpectomy, I thought he wouldn't find me as attractive, then 6 weeks of rads made me uncomfortable from the pain, but it did get better back to normal. Then last year I had bilat. mast. with t.e. and since then have pulled away from my husband. I had my exchange surgery and thought it would help but it has not. I am in constant pain and don't want him to look at my breasts and the scars and I have not come to terms with with everything yet and am afraid he will be turned off my new scarred up body. I miss the intimacy but am very scared of being rejected.

Oh my god that is so sad on both parts.
Men are generally selfish bleeps but that is ridiculous. You need to demand more of him don't just expect it. Many men are clueless. A gentle guiding hand, talk to him tell him how you feel . they r not mind readers. Remember we as women associAte sex with emotions. For men sex is simply sex and do it for one reason only. 2 years without is not healthy. I strongly advise you see someone and try to work through it.

@A MyBCTeam Member I hope you keep pushing. If you could write it out, perhaps in a letter and ask him to write back it might be easier. We never know what it is that a man really loves about us. I'm with someone who loves every scar and bruise and imperfection through my own fear.
I had a guy tell me that when he was going through this with his wife who did not have reconstruction that she pulled away and hid. he actually wanted to feel and see the scars and found them erotic because it was a sexy strong but fragile bravery he loved. He had to write that to her because he didn't know how to say it without sounding weird or stupid.
We just never know when we don't talk.
I doubt my ex was turned off, I don't know, but he was just too rough and uncommunicative before cancer for me to emotionally have to figure it through with during and after cancer.

I just had a drag queen explain how sexy he/she was without boobs and that I had no excuses or anything to be afraid of. I got a lesson in fancy bustier dressing and not feeling bullied to take off my top when I felt and looked sexier with it on. A GUY who looks twice as beautiful faking his boobs shamed me in my bilateral pre reconstruction mastectomy insecurity .
Lolololol

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A MyBCTea...

Intimacy can be a challenge at the best of times, but being open and sharing your feelings is so important. Do hope you have a caring spouse who will listen and be attentive to your needs and also share his feelings. Being vulnerable isn't easy, but will improve the connection for both of you. Seek therapy if you need help as this is a significant part of healing.
Kelley, your experience must have been heartbreaking, but so glad you are seeing a lawyer. We all deserve to be treated with respect.

I had immediate reconstruction, so there is a lot of massages to get the girls whipped into shape. Hubby is a boob guy, so I made sure to include him at every level of decisions on their appearance, changes etc. He is very hands on with helping massage and work on scars. So it actually has created a new level of intimacy for us to just have the touching/feeling time. I refused to let myself be negative about the way they looked, they are still frankenboobs for me - and that kept him positive as well. Post op sex was off the table for awhile, but once it was back on, we made sure we did not get let the previous down time continue, and interacted as soon as possible.