Sex? When going through chemo? Are you kidding? Who feels like that!

My husband said he was more connected with me emotionally when I was going through my treatment (chemo/herceptin) than sexually. He said he never felt so emotionally connected with me than when I was going through the treatments for my breast cancer.

Hooray for all the comments!!!!

I love talking about sex. OK. Love is too strong of a word, but MAN is it under-discussed as a chemo issue. I was 29 at diagnosis and not having sex was not an option (I like it too much). Chemo was tough. But with a little creativity and alot of patience, we found things that worked for us.

The only other comment I'll put here is that the less sex you have, the longer it takes for "it" to "come back" in terms of libido and ability (in terms of sex being comfortable). So even if your aren't in the mood, consider trying some foreplay. It might take a little while to get your engines revving like they used to (more than the usual 2-5 minutes of foreplay most hubbies provide) but the "mood" just might kick in.

And those endorphins from the O... well they just generally make life better :)

Like everyone else, my advice is to play it by ear and communicate with your spouse. Let him know how you're feeling about sex. Ask how he's feeling about it. Everyone and every relationship is unique, so find out what works for the two of you. Good luck.

What up with that change Caroline. I lost having the big O after chemo. I keep trying but oh it's frustrating. Then when you're hubby has bladder and prostrate problems it like quick geriatric sex. Hand jobs ladies-keeps them happy! course I might get carpal tunnel one day! Oh and to a more personal note I have serious TMJ so he is sad about that. I don't want lock jaw on him!

My husband and I did not have sex for 8 months after mastectomy and chemo. Between being sore, fighting off an infection from node biopsy site, having an expander, then being bald, tired and bloated, that was the last thing I wanted. Then throw in Tamoxifen and a completely atrophied vagina and I don't know how we ever got past that! But the good news is that we did. I quit Tamoxifen since it only offered minimal benefit (1%) in my case, and with time (about a year) my vagina recovered her hormones. I wouldn't say my libido has returned, and I definitely have issues to work through about the fake ness of an implant , numb "breast", but it's been a 4 year crawl to this place, and I'm not giving up. Thankfully neither is my husband. Keepin it real, ladies. I'm glad some of you ate willing to discuss this under-addressed issue.