Cancer takes and steals , that is for sure. I sound self-pitying, but I really have the attitude that it is what it is , but if I scream enough, maybe the health givers will validate me (us) . I try to do it with humor, but I want changes happening faster than they are,. Health professionals are so afraid of the side effects of treatments being acknowledged. I think it is because they think people wont take treatment then. Here's the thing. Knowing what I know I would still seek treatment, still go on Arimadex. I want to live. But I want the residue and the "new" normal" acknowledged and helped best it can be helped. I want us better informed going in...(oh but how I rant)

My year of treatment has aged me about 20 years, too. And yes, I get sad about it--you're not alone. Mourning is a process... and it doesn't have an end date... Honestly, it never really ends or goes away--we just work on getting better at 'living with it.'

No, you shouldn't shut up and be grateful. Your feelings are real and valid. You should come here and vent with us and work through it instead.... I think you're doing fine. <3

Well, holy hell if this didn't turn out to be a very important discussion.... I love every one of you for chiming in with your struggles--it is a brave subject to talk about. Given time, I hope we can all come to terms with what we've got left (and continue to feed the beast more than it absolutely must take from us). I know we all appreciate 'making it through' the storm. And I see we're most of us disappointed with what we look like once we're through it. It's okay to be disappointed. Let's not ever EVER lose sight of the fact that we just made it through the storm, though.

There's a lot I can do to improve myself. I'm going to work on it. Honestly and seriously, I am doing to take control of the things I CAN control, and I will do something about them. I can't make my hair be back. I can't make myself have boobs--or even fake ones. I can't make this last year... the most exhausting (and triumphant) one I've ever endured 'not happen.' But I can pick myself up off the ground, learn how to use makeup, learn how to play with hair color, commit to an exercise regimen, and start eating WELL.

That's my plan, anyhow. Strength and hugs and love to every one of us. WE are STRONGER than THIS. We've proven it.... let's prove it some more now.

about a month into Tamoxifen I noticed in the mirror new FAT pads on my hips. really? my Doctors said more than once stay fit and lean. well, it's sometimes difficult when you feel like you are 100 years old. I have a ton of odd symptoms that non of the Docs really listen to. instead roll their eyes and send you out the door. lately I found out I have a very high parathyroid level. no one seems to know what is going on. I hear you all about not being yourself. It's been a year since I completed radiation after my lumpectomy. I wouldn't dare go off of Tamox but I think a lot of the symptoms are related.I also look in the mirror and do not like what I see. clothes don't fit right etc... one of these days I will find my new normal but it's taking a while. anyone else feel this way?

I actually had to return a christmas gift today, without a receipt, and had to give them my drivers license. I stared at it (pic from 2013) and the lady caught me. I just said "sorry, just looking at what I used to look like". I go back and forth. One day, I dont care. People compliment my "haircut" or my eyemake all the time. I have learned to take a compliment now. But then another day, I will catch my profile in a store window and think "who the hell is that?"

I used to be pretty fit, loved to weight train, loved being active. Now I feel like an old lady when I just bend over to put on my socks! I am not vain, I can get past that my looks had changed because I am glad to be alive to take care of my kids. I think the bigger issue now for me is just being depleted physically of strength and muscle mass:(