Ending chemo is absolutely bitter sweet. For me it was 2 things that I struggled with:

1. Chemo gave me a sense of security. While I was on chemo I felt like the cancer couldn't come back. I know that is probably a false sense of security, but that's how I felt.

It's like being thrust into a big old jungle with the knowledge that there is a 500 pound man eating lion out there somewhere and it may or may not pick you for its next meal. I'm sure that visual doesn't help you deal with your own fears... but that's kind of how I felt (and sometimes still feel).

So I've had to learn how to deal with that fear. And that seems to be a reality for every survivor, learning how to deal with the fear of recurrance.

2. After treatment, there is this huge void in your life. By that I mean, cancer literally takes up SO MUCH TIME. Between appointments, infusions and dealing with the side effects... it eats up most of your free time. So during treatment, many women step back from their "extra" activities (committees, group involvement, hobbies, etc) becuase there isn't enough time or they don't feel well enough to do it during treatment.

So when treatment is over and you're feeling better, you find that you have alot of free time. And you have to decide what you want to do with it. Some women try to jump back into their "old" lives, but they feel like it just doesn't fit anymore.

There is this period of re-discovery. Figuring out what pieces of your old life still "fit" and what doesn't. And then deciding what you now feel passionate about and what new things you might want to do.

The hardest part is that there is a sense of loss when you realize that life doesn't just magically go back to the way it used to be. And there is a sense of BEING lost, not sure what direction you should take.

I don't have any fabulous words of wisdom on how to deal with all the above, but those were two of my biggest mountains to climb after treatment.

Long story short, it is normal for the end of treatment to be bitter sweet. And I wish you the best in your first year of survivorship.

You may go through "dr. withdrawal" as you finish treatment. It is a common feeing and it will pass and you gain control of your life.

It is absolutely bittersweet. Even though I hated having chemo and was so sick from it, I felt like I was doing something to get the cancer out of my body. When I finished my treatments, I said now what? Plus, having triple negative breast cancer meant that I could not take Tamoxifen, Femara or Arimidex, because they do not work on triple negative breast cancer. It was like being thrown out there, totally on my own, with no life preserver. Also, cancer is totally a full time job, and my life was consumed with surgeries, treatment, dr. visits, and tests. It was like, ok so what do I do now? Plus, I had gotten fired from my job when I was too sick from chemo to go to work for a few days. I took a deep breath and said that wow, I am here and stayed strong and positive. It does get alittle easier, but for me it is always there. Good luck. Always stay strong and positive and never, ever give up hope.:)

OH YES!!! I did before and probably will again. I spend more time at the oncology office than at any place except work. My entire life had been structured around those labs and treatments. (I had a similar reaction when I finished nursing school: all of a sudden, I had nothing pressing to do.)

Welcome the club-- and now we have this site and our new friends to help us through.

Carlads, CONGRATULATIONS!!!I had radiation so mine was shorter but you're right, it is bittersweet. I think I had already decided what I would do when treatment ended & could NOT wait! For me it was a relief just to get my LIFE back :) It's kind of like losing a job you've been at for years - but I do wish you the best in your first year of survivorship!!!Congrats again - you ROCK!!!!!!