Having lived with narcissistic people, I have one suggestion: run! Unless you have no choice. I think self care is the first priority when going through cancer treatment. Your body needs all of its resources to take care of you right now. I think setting boundaries is a great idea but the energy to hold to those boundaries as they are challenged repeatedly can be better used for your own recovery. Be prepared to be guilt tripped if you choose to distance yourself. Please remember, it’s not selfish to put yourself first, especially now. Wishing you the best, whatever you choose!

Take care of yourself first. You probably have limited energy at this point. I've pulled back from a few relationships that cost me too much energy!

My ex had that trait combined with being bipolar. My former sister in law has borderline personality disorder (BPD) which is a lot like narcissism on steroids. From your description your friend is behaving right now like someone that may have BPD.

The word "run" is great advice, but I know you're a good person and want to assist without getting your head ripped off. Some of the things I learned are you have to be prepared to say no and to stick by your no. You need to be prepared to turn your back and walk away, either temporarily or long term if need be, if this person crosses certain boundaries that you set.

It can be a hard discussion, but tell this person you are trying to help and they could benefit from your help because you're walking down the same path in life. Tell them you are setting certain boundaries for your own well being and if those boundaries are violated you will be walking away. Tell this person the boundaries. This discussion will most likely set them off and you will most likely need to walk away.

If they have a husband, boyfriend, or family member who is this persons main support and punching bag you may want to explain to them what you are doing and why. If you want you can let that person know you are there for them if they need to talk, but you need to take care of yourself and abuse from their cancer patient is not something you will tolerate. It's really common for those who are closest to the problem person to enable their behavior and make excuses for them. That is their own fault and problem if they want to be treated like a doormat, not yours.

There were multiple times my ex banned his sister from our home for a year or more at a time. Once the exile period was ended she would behave for the next 2-3 visits and then revert to her normal BPD self and get banned again. It's a lot like dealing with a 2 year old that is going through the "me,me,me" phase except they never outgrew it.

Many people will try to do and say whatever they can to placate the problem person in an attempt to avoid the unpleasant outbursts, but that never really works and it condones the bad behavior. Over time this person should adjust and accept what they can't change and their behavior might scale back to their normal level of narcissism or they could get worse. It's a crap shoot.

They should definitely be advised to get a cancer social worker and get some kind of cancer related counseling at a bare minimum. They are more likely to do it if they believe it's for the cancer and can blame it on the cancer as opposed to getting help cuz they are the real problem.

That being said, you need to do what is right for yourself and your well being. Taking care of yourself is what is most important and setting boundaries with this person, even if it ends up being the end of the frienship, is what is most important to do for you and your well being. Good luck ❤️🤞🙏

@A MyBCTeam Member, I agree with everyone who says to put yourself first. I am truly sorry that this person has been diagnosed with cancer and I hope the outcome is a good one, but you need all the strength and fortitude you've got to get yourself through this. As much as we would like to, we cannot save everyone. You must be strong for yourself. Don't take any guilt trips, and prepare to remove this person from your circle.

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