There's no need to be afraid or embarrassed to ask your regular oncologist any question at all about your overall cancer, treatments, side effects, recurrence/survival odds, sex related questions, etc. If they've been a practicing oncologist for any length of time they've heard & been asked it all. It's really hard to shock them.

One thing I've noticed on this site is a lot of women rely on their breast cancer or reconstructive plastic surgeons as the be all end all for their cancer care. Maybe that's cuz in many cases, especially ER positive/HER2 negative patients which are statistically the most common breast cancer patients, those are the doctors you deal with 1st since surgery is the most common 1st treatment for the majority of breast cancers. Surgeons are just that though....surgeons, & their expertise should be kept primarily to surgical related care. They're only 1 part of your complete cancer care team. You should have a breast cancer oncologist that's responsible to coordinate all your cancer care, prescribe your drugs, be in charge of your chemo, immunotherapy, etc., do your physical breast exams, monitor your blood tests, order your various scans, etc. If you have radiation then your radiation oncologist should be in charge of giving you radiation related treatments & exams & they should be the one to monitor your PET scans if you get PET scans. All 3 of the different specialties should confer & coordinate on what type of care you need & when/what order you should have it based on your cancer profile (ER +/-, HER2 +/-, triple negative, cancer stage, etc.).

If you aren't comfortable with your various cancer doctors, don't like their bedside manner/attitude, feel dismissed by them, feel like they don't listen or care, catch them making stupid mistakes with your treatments, etc. then it's probably a sign that you should find a new doctor that can provide the type of care & support you need.

It's pretty common for patients to switch to a new doctor if they don't feel like their current doctor is meeting their needs. Not every doctor will be a good match for every patient. It's kind of like dating, not everyone will be good boyfriend/girlfriend/marriage material.

There's also a 4th, & most important member of your cancer team....you, the patient. Don't discount yourself & your thoughts, opinions, fears, questions, treatment preferences, etc. Research your cancer & treatment options & learn as much as you can so you can be an active & informed part of your cancer team & have the needed knowledge & confidence to advocate for yourself & know when mistakes are being made with your care. We all know cancer is hard & we've all felt overwhelmed & powerless to some degree during our cancer journeys. Knowledge is power so embrace it & use it to your advantage & don't feel bad or nervous about speaking up cuz if you don't speak up for yourself then who will?

Rosegardengal, Your comments are spot on some of us relied heavily on the Breast surgeon or the Plastic Surgeon.
To add... this could be due to the fact that the process of which specialist you see first, or second etc varies greatly by the Medical facility treating you.
Example : I got called by the Dr in charge of radiology who delivered my diagnosis on 4/1/25. Then I had an appointment to see the breast surgeon who basically told me that my option was Mastectomy. I did some research and came back with questions re lumpectomy. Then she suggested lumpectomy with reduction and referred me to the plastic surgeon who was a god sent and whom I relied on heavily.
I did not meet an oncologist until after I had surgeries 7/24/25 and 9/23/25 and it was only after I insisted on seeing an oncologist I got the referral. My insistence was based on information I found out from
joining this group. I didn't realise that there is a medical oncologist and a radiation oncologist; I thought that they would be the same person !!You dont know what you don't know!
In retrospect If I had known then what I know now perhaps I would've done things differently.

Even those of us not afraid to ask only need to get shut down so many times before you give up. I also live in a rural area so switching doctors is mostly not an option. I actually had a doctor kick me out of her practice and her gate keeper found it delighful and told me so.

As I get ready to go to an appointment I usually write down questions to ask the doctor. Some don't ask questions out of fear of maybe bad news, fear of authority figure, sensitive questions, anxiety. Let your health care team know how you feel.🌹

Healthcare should not be a fight, a struggle, or a challenge of survival of the fittest.
But...today it is. What a sad situation....Ok...now.
Healthcare today is NOT the same as it was even 20 years ago.

We each must be an ADVOCATE for ourselves and/or find one and bring them with us.
1. Prepare questions ahead of appointment.
2. Prioritize the questions- what is most important to you? Ask it first.
3. To get the Doctors attention write notes 📝 during the visit. This they find keeps them alert and focused...don't want to be called out by patient with notes from visit.
4. Ensure you connect with Insurance to verify coverage, check for resources, options, referrals, prior authorizations, etc.
5. Clinic RN staff, Social Worker? Get to know who is available and on the Medical Oncologist team. A good clinic RN can be helpful.
6. If you don't ask for what you NEED no one will know you need it. If your NOT sure what you need, just start with what you think you know.
I call it "Get Curious "

There are helpful people everywhere....one roadblock may turn you to the next person who will help. Remain positive and hopeful.

Just the way I approach and think...I ask a ton of questions