Joyce, you and Barbara are brilliant, talented and incredible ladies. I love both your posts, especially when things are going well for both of you. It breaks my heart when either or both of you are having a difficult time with anything or anybody. Both of you have helped so many folks on the BC team. You've shared your research and feelings openly and honestly. I appreciate both of you ladies so very much. Thank you for all you do for us. It is all very much appreciated. Much, much love and endless hugs.

Hi Barbara. I’ve had many conversations with my family and given this a lot of thought. I’ve had loved ones pass both ways. I think the advantage of going slowly is that there is time to take care of unfinished emotional business and say farewell. On the other hand, passing suddenly spares loved ones the pain of watching your body decline. Either way is difficult, more for loved ones, I think - the loss, guilt over the unsaid, not done, and grief. For me, the ideal is somewhere in the middle, if you have a choice. Long enough to have the conversations and short enough to die with some dignity.

I wish you much peace and ❤️

Wow. I'm in tears. Like it was said, both ways have their own trauma. I had many grandparents that were old and decrepit. And 15 years later they were still old and decrepit. That is too long.

My aunt was 95, went and did her grocery shopping, still driving, put her food away and read half of the book she just purchased. Died in her sleep. It still bothers me that she wasn't able to finish the book. Although this was unexpected, because she was a vibrant 95, in a way it was expected.

They don't think they can cure my cancer this time. But they may be able to manage it for 20 years. If so, I'll be a respectable age of 89. Good time to go.

A friend that had inflammatory breast cancer at 41, was dying at 44. She planned her funeral for before her death. She called it a celebration of life. That way everyone could book their airfare and motel rooms when not in a rush. And she got to see and talk to people. Her biggest concern was the planning. Not too soon and not too late. And then when the real death date came, nobody needed to come. So she had her celebration of life on September 21st. And died on October 18. Pretty good planning. And she was mobile until the last 12 hours. I hope I can be this good at dying. She knew she was getting close to the end because she turned a puke green color. Not yellow, green. So she knew her liver was going. She was this color for about 2 weeks. Had to wait to do family photos until her daughter got her braces off. So the photo guy had a job of it, tinting her back to human color.

Well said Cris …I think it’s true that we aren’t really afraid of actual death but what we go through before death which I am going through now and it’s been a devastatingly painful time going on for 3 months now and I want it over . Right now I don’t give a damn what comes after this life, I just want out . Have a good night 😘💤❤️

My thinking formed years ago with multiple contributors.

Many years ago my patients inspired me to learn from them while they were in the process of dying. As a young RN I worked with Gynecological Cancer patients, specifically end-stage patients. No one dies alone was my mantra. Over time and multiple hospital admissions I got to know individuals well and would take care of them every time they came in, for continuity. Many shifts I stayed with patients taking their last breath, to provide comfort and lay them to rest. This was extremely important to me. I strongly believe that no one should die alone.

When my Grandparents aged and became ill and near death, I was able to be with my maternal grandmother. We were close my entire life. Supporting her during this time and prior was honor to comfort and support her.

My Mother died from Lung cancer with mets to her brain. She had lung surgery in April, NED in June and by September brain mets and death. Mind blowing! We took her home on Hospice. She wanted to be home with everyone around her. I stayed with her. We have a family of RN's so we have a team of caretakers. She voiced her choices of what she wanted to eat and drink and who she wanted to see and talk to and we made that happen. It was all about HER. I sat vigil at her bedside for days, talking with her until she took her last breath.

Death will come to each of us. It may come quick or I may linger. My belief is that I will not have the ultimate call on my death, that is in God's hands. I am at peace with my death. I will work to be healthy, however I am aware that I do not control the outcome. I will feel all the emotions of each death around me, until I pass. I will continue to work to support and comfort those that want, need, or ask for support in this process of death and grief.

I'm at peace with my death be it swift or slow. I will support others in the process of dying and grief. Nothing in this process is linear or straight forward. The person who can truly guide the process is the person who is dying, until they no longer can speak for themselves, then a loved one must pick up from there and bring them home.

Hope this makes sense to all who read it.