I know that we are all supposed to focus on the positive only so if this question is out of line please just disregard or ask Mary to delete it. I know that I personally started to cringe at some of the things "well meaning" friends/family/perfect strangers would say when they found out I had BC. I always tried to temper my outward response by thanking them for their kind thoughts and words because I know cancer makes most people uncomfortable, and most were at a loss as to what to say to begin… read more
@A MyBCTeam Member,
Being single again right before my BC I thought the same thing. "Who was going to want me like this" I felt I was deformed and was going to be rejected by everyone. And then I ran into an old friend who I had not seen in about a year at work. He was recently separated and was just looking for someone to do things with so that he was not just sitting in an apt all the time. So we agreeded to go out as friends he pays his way I pay mine. I had already told him about my BC. We went out that night and talked for over 4 hours. We have been together ever since. The hardest part for me was showing him how I now looked. (I had just had the DMX's) and had not started reconstruction yet. He stole my heart when he told me he LOVED me for who I was and not the way that my body looked, and that if I didnt want to get the reconstruction it wouldnt matter to him.
I got tired of people telling my how strong I am and what a hero I was... I was just trying to get through each day w/o crying my eyes out. I know they were well meaning but I didn't want to hear it anymore. Also, my sister-in-law (whose 16 yr old son died recently) said, "At least you will recover. I'll never get over losing my son" Made me feel guilty about having breast cancer and being scared of what was in my future.
@marnie, yep senseless babble. It does take strength to get thru BC but not the kind most non-BC people mean when they say that kind of thing. I too got to the point that I wished people would just stop trying to be "verbally" supportive. And the whole trying not to cry your eyes out part is pretty normal I think. Most I know went thru that stage as well. As for your SIL, it's a shame she was so insensitive and couldn't think beyond her grief to see that her statement was like comparing apples and oranges, both make a good fruit salad but otherwise there is no similarity at all. AND YOU MUST ABSOLUTELY NOT FEEL GUILTY about surviving. It's what being human means. Each person faces their own trials in this life and each person must find their own path to a meaningful life. You should be PROUD you are a fighter and don't let others make you feel guilty. Don't give them that power. They don't deserve it, and while many can sympathize with your situation, they can't really understand it unless they've gone thru it themselves. My aunt called me irate one day and said "If one more person tells me what a blessing cancer is I'm going to knock someone's head off." She then said she told the person who said it "Funny, in all my years in Catholic school and bible study I don't recall the passage that says "Blessed are those who have cancer for only they shall know the value of life." HAHAHA. Hang in there Marnie. At least here on this page we can all be each others heroes!
My sister told me how lucky I was to get a free boob job, if she only knew the pain I went thru and still going thru
My family uses humor to get through uncomfortable situations (I developed a strong sense of humor in high school as a defense mechanism....I was a total nerd). When I told my kids (then 17 and 19) I had breast cancer I also said, "Wow...I always thought you had to HAVE the body part (I'm a 36AA) before you could get cancer of it." We were all scared, but with love and laughter we got through it.
I wore my tiny prosthesis for the first time with a loose sports bra (no pocket in it...what did I know about bras?). I went with my son to help him pack up and clean out his college dorm room. When I stood up after vigorous vacuuming I realized that I now had a little boob that had migrated to the center of my chest. "Where's the girl's bathroom?," I asked my son. He looked over at me and said, "WELL! Now THAT'S annoying!" Yep....having breast cancer was definitely "annoying." I can still laugh about that day 10 years out of treatment.