My counselor asked me if there was someone that you thought would be there for you every step of the way, and they, for some reason, just didn't step up to the plate when you needed them most? I have a neighbor that I thought for sure would have my back. We had known each other for years, and I have helped her with her family so many times. Picked up kids from school, took care of sick kids, babysat them for the… read more
I love this quote I found:
Cancer doesn't define you, it defines your family and friends.
I have to be blunt because really there is no other way to put this. It's what I've learned/experienced that gave me the answer to this very same question. THEY JUST CAN'T HANDLE IT! It sounds lame but it's the truth. For years I was the one who my family came to with illnesses, financial instability, individual and family fender benders and the like but when I was diagnosed with cancer they all faded like a white couch in front of a white wall. They had no idea what to do. See, I figured out that in all the situations where I was the doctor, lawyer, indian chief, they didn't learn how to pick up the baton and run, they only learned how to get help from me. Don't be offended, it's nobodys fault, it's just what happened. I wound up having to teach them that even cancer is something that we can fight. I don't have a tribe of kinfolk and I guess if I did I would have received what I think would have been a better response from at least 2 people but I found more support from a friend who dropped by every few days to leave me a greeting card that meant she was thinking about me everyday. Besides my husband, who obviously was there every day bless his heart, my mother who came around on chemo day and my friend, I only had my doctors and the kindest nurse I've ever met in my life, when I was going through treatment. I know, it sounds like a cop out because you are able to care for the sick, help when needed, carry the torch and almost lay down your own responsibilities to help someone else but I just had to get it through my head that THEY CAN'T HANDLE IT. Where did I get this caring spirit from? God! That's right, I had to realize that I had a strength that not everyone is privy to. I was someone special and this is a gift that not everyone has the privilege to possess. I'm even stronger now because I've learned this lesson. Today I still care for those who are in need but now I make sure that I teach them instead of doing everything for them. It's the old teach a man to fish addage but remembering that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink theory.I'm so happy with myself and where I am now I'm just tickled pink. Don't dwell in what people do, just do you and be happy with it.
I have found that some people cannot be around someone who is sick because they are either scared or just do not know how to handle illness. I would not dwell on it and just remember the people who have been there. We just cannot fix some people and just have to let them go. The last thing any of us need in our lives is more stress from any outside source.
my gosh...just read through all these posts from the featured question. so I'm NOT alone in feeling alone. I don't have alot of family (except my son, daughter here & my sister on the other side of the country). And most of my friends have always been "work" friends, and I haven't worked since back surgery over a year ago. Not really any close friends right now. It has been very interesting to see how my children have reacted (both are mid-20's adults). Very supportive at diagnosis and surgery, but since then...well I'm cancer-free, aren't I??? They run hot and cold. On a positive note, there is hope for the younger generation. I've had more well-wishes and support from my children's friends than from my own adult friends.
Some of your stories of betrayal and abandonment just break my heart. But the quote about "Cancer doesn't define you..." is perfect. My daughter recently gave me a book entitled "I am NOT my breast cancer". Perfect also...for me to remember and live by, and I wish for all our supposed friends and family to remember that can't seem to deal.
Sending all of you warm wishes that things will get better and many many hugs! You are the only ones that get it!
Yes. I was very disappointed in my lifelong friends. I will never look at them the same. You learn about a person's character in these types of situations. I will do all I can for anyone in the future that gets the diagnosis. I am just moving on and try not to dwell on their lack of support when I needed it. Their